Lead Me

This week I have had the song Lead Me by Sanctus Real stuck in my head....

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I think sometimes we all need someone to Lead us...guide us. We all are called to different vocations, and we all will take a difficult journey to reach them. In life, we all have our moments of strength and of weakness. Whether you have another that can serve this role or not, remember the Lord is always willing to serve as that guide. He will never leave you alone, and never lead you to anything you cannot handle. He will always lead you through it <3

Colored Waves

The past several months have been a crazy whirl-wind of life. I am blessed to say that I have been able to caputure many of the moments through the lens. Here is just one...with more to come!
Allowing yourself to breathe in the fresh air and see the beauty in simple every day occurrences...what a wonderful way to live this life.

Find Beauty

 

Find beauty in the fallen petals, in the sky's teardrops. Find beauty in the unexpected snowflake and the silent blanket it lays. Find beauty in the singing bird on the dreary morning as small hail falls around you on your morning walk. Find beauty in the memories you cherish, beauty in the breath you currently take, beauty in the dreams that lie before you. Find that beauty and embrace it. Breathe it in; inhale deeply. Hold onto that beauty and let it awaken your soul, let it be a song when you struggle to remember a melody. Let it be an anthem to the miracles and high point, a soundtrack to your life. For life is full of beauty if we just take the time to see it.

Goodbyes and New Beginnings

_When we look up, it widens our horizons. In the sky, there are no boundaries; it is a vast sea of beauty. The sky, in that way, lets us dream without limits_

That time of the semester has again arrived: finals. Only this time, they have managed to stretch them out over two weeks instead of one. Only this time, the end of finals means a diploma and a new beginning. Only this time, the end of finals means a new state, a new town, a new home, a first clinical, and a multitude of unknowns.

Maybe it is the unknowns, maybe it is the end of a significant life experience, maybe its the promise of new beginnings. Maybe its just a normal restlessness combined with a sea of growth that has changed within me. Maybe its just being burned out. Whatever it is, it has my heart is restless, desiring a change of location, a change of pace, a change of experience.

While I have made some incredible friends over these past four years and have memories that I will forever hold close to my heart, along with experiences that have led me to growth and a stronger faith, I am ready to move on. While I will be back here after clinic come August, I am so thankful that I will be gone for a few months. When I return, I know it will not be the same. God willing, a best friend will have moved on to bigger and better things several hours away. Another friend will have just started her graduate PT journey...and while I am ecstatic for the changes and growth she will encounter, they are changes. Other friends will have moved on to other forms of educations, jobs, and or married life.

These are all wonderful things, and I am so happy for each and every one of my friends and the incredible changes that life is bringing for them. But, again, the Lo is changing and it is time to move on. I have become very independent this past year, and while I cannot see the future, I have a feeling there is still much growth to be had. God has worked tirelessly to force me to trust in Him fully and to rely fully on Him. In that, I am doing my best. I know that these coming weeks will only strengthen that, as I moved 4 and 5 hours away from the people I love and care about most. This is a season of transition in my life, a season of laughter, tears, lessons, memories, and new beginnings. This season of life has been crying out to me to see the beauty of the world, the color of spring. To appreciate the day to day and absorb it all in. To help me stop, accept whatever prospective God is trying to share with me, and to listen to the silence and messages He is sending with it. As I finish finals, head into graduation festivities, say many goodbyes and then some new hellos, I hope that I can keep the prospective I have been working to gain. I pray that I find whatever it is my heart seems to be searching for, and that, no matter what, I am continually growing into the person God has designed me to become.

There's Life At Both Ends of That Old Dirt Road

I took this picture Friday morning; its Uncle Ronnie plowing in the field down on Lane that we are finally able to use again, after so many years. While he did this, Dad was tiling the field across the road. I got to see it all on my morning run- a quick jaunt to the homestead and back. Seeing those guys in the field, up with the sun... it was just an awesome thing to be home and see again.  While their work is never finished, being home less and less places more and more distance between me and the family dinners in the field, trips to take the guys water, and memories of riding in the tractors. Its the little things that mean the most.
While I am developing, growing, and figuring out exactly what it is God placed me here to accomplish in this world, being home for Easter made me realize this: There's Life at Both Ends of that Old Dirt Road. I have a life down here with parts that I love and parts that I don't. And life at home, there are parts that I love and parts that I sometimes struggle with. The cool thing is, I can take the good from both ends...and that is who I get to be. I am able to live and love this life I live. And it doesn't necessarily have to be at either end of the dirt road...I can always stay on it and find my own place. With the ability to love everyone at both ends who mean so much to me <3

Worth Fighting For

Blossom

I love this quote, and when I spent time Friday looking out from the water tower at Prince Galitzen, it was one that was very obvious to me.  I have reached a point in life where I am no longer a child. I am making my own decisions, shaping my own experiences. Sometimes, those closest to me may not agree. They strongly suggest that, for financial reasons, safety- whatever it is, that I stay put and make choices that are not align with what my heart is telling me. It want me to stay 'tight in a bud' when my heart is telling me it is time to blossom.  Going against their desires and wishes is painful- it is not easy. I love them and respect them, yet I have come to realize that I must take the leap and the risk to blossom. One of my first steps toward blossoming was making the decision and then traveling to the Dominican Republic. And the experience proved to me that I am doing the correct thing.
In the gospel reading today there was something that really hit home in this. From John 12:24-26

Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains just a grain of wheat;
but if it dies, it produces much fruit.
Whoever loves his life loses it,
and whoever hates his life in this world
will preserve it for eternal life.
Whoever serves me must follow me,
and where I am, there also will my servant be.
The Father will honor whoever serves me.


What use am I to the Father, to this world, if I remain just a grain of wheat, just a tight bud? By taking the chances, making the decisions to follow my own heart, I am taking the opportunity to make the difference I was placed on this earth to make.


As I was reminded by today's sermon, we mustn't fail to trust in the Lord and to allow him to provide for us. We must put our hopes, our dreams, our hearts, and our faith- in Him. In doing so, we will honor and serve him. And we find joy in becoming the beautiful blossom we were designed to be.

Poco a Poco: Images and Videos from the DR

10 Principles to live by for the week...and always <3

The Pier in Monte Cristi, Dominican Republic. Beautiful.

I taught this Mom how to do some home-stretching for her 14-year old daughter with several congenital deformities. Their gratitude was indescribable.

Individuals walking back into Haiti after going to the open market in Dajabon. Yes, those are live chickens he is carrying. And yes, the woman on the right is barefoot.

Men pushing a wagon of ice across the Dominican-Haitian boarder. This was the largest wagon seen, I also saw smaller amounts being pushed across in wheel-barrels. Most was covered in sawdust to try and keep it from melting in the 85* weather. Most of the individuals did not have shoes. Some did not even have shirts.

a beautiful flower outside the PT clinic in Mao, Dominican Republic

Haitians walking across the boarder into the Dominican Republic and the Dajabon Market

The PT team who worked at the Mao clinic with some of the staff there. (A second PT team worked in a clinic in Monte Cristi)

Occupational Therapy students and Dr. Maria Colmer, OT, work to make splints for a patient in Mao, Dominican Republic

Me, working with a young man who had been hit by a motor cycle.

View from my first plane ride- the DR is getting close!

A young boy paints El Morro at an art school in Monte Cristi, DR

In the evening, we played with local children. This group of girls were amazing...and one evening we played with a bunch of tennis balls (multiple, made up games!) for over an hour!

The clock tower in Monte Cristi, made and designed by the same individual who designed the Eiffel Tower.

Love this little girl <3 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These three links are to videos of my time at the Dominican-Haitian boarder on the morning of March 9, 2012.
The boarder is open on Friday mornings, allowing for the Haitians to come and gather the supplies they will need for the following week from the open market in Dajabon.
The video does not do justice to the magnitude of poverty I witnessed nor to the intense desperation on so many faces, or the experience itself.

 

 

 

 

Walking Through Dajabon Market, March 9, 2012

Dominican- Haitian Boarder, Dajabon Market, March 9, 2012





                                              
                                                                                   Dajabon Market, March 9, 2012

World Water Day

World Water Day: Make a Difference.

Having been to the Dominican Republic...and then watching this video- I know I was able to watch it in an entirely new way. Take the three and a half minutes to watch and listen to some great Switchfoot music.

And then make a vow to make a difference- in whatever way you can, today.

Communicating Love: Experiences in the DR

I've officially been back from the Dominican Republic for over a week. It was a week of incredible adjustment; it is interesting how you can go through more of a culture shock when coming back into The States than you did leaving them. The DR is a place unlike anywhere else I have ever experienced; what I saw, what I was a part of, what I felt- it has all forever changed me. I know there are people out there who believe that we should only assist those in our own country, and that until everyone here has received what they need, here is the only place we should help. To a point, that used to be me. The DR changed that completely. While there are so many people in the United States that we need to continually reach out to, we cannot have our blinders on and pretend that we are the only ones who matter. We are all God's children- we are all brothers and sisters. God calls us to love one another as He has loved us.

I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

Hugs United, the group from SFU, worked with an international non-profit called OutRreach360, whose main mission is to teach children in these undeserved countries English, with the hopes that the education will open up doors to a life they would otherwise never have the ability to obtain. I was lucky enough to be a part of the Hugs team that does something a little bit different in our time in the DR- I was a part of the rehab team, treating and teaching in a physical therapy clinic in Mao, Dominican Republic. 
At the clinic in Mao, I was blessed with the opportunity to not only work with incredible peers, but also treat a number of amazing individuals alongside the therapists from Mao.  In the four days in the clinic, we saw everything from stroke patients to patients with osteoarthritis, congenital deformities, cerebral palsy, knee replacements, ankle sprains, cervical and lumbar problems, and many shoulder issues.  The occupational therapists on our rehab team worked tirelessly all week, making an incredible number of splints and providing patients with ways to help ease their daily living. The physical therapy team provided exercise programs, did countless evaluations, and provided the staff at Mao education on how to improve their day to day treatments. We had three incredible translators with us each day; without them, there is no way we would have accomplished anything close to what we did.

One of my special patients of the week was an older woman, who is pictured above.  She came in with an unclear diagnosis but with complaints of knee pain.  Through evaluation, we determined that she most likely was suffering from knee osteoarthritis.  I was given the opportunity to, under the supervision of a DPT who was serving with us, develop her exercise/treatment program for the week; I also fitted her for a cane and incorporated gait and stair training into her treatment. By the end of the week, she was saying how much better her pain level was and how much easier she was getting around. She told me, through a translator, several times that week, that I was the answer to her prayers.  Once we returned home and were sharing photographs, one of the translators told me this- "One of my favorite parts of the week was when she was talking with one of the therapists (not telling me something to translate for you) and said "Thank God for her" twice. Good job Hillarie."  Those were some of the most touching things to hear. The individuals we served were so incredibly grateful for everything that we did.  Even the simplest things were not overlooked. The gratitude that was conveyed to us was simply incredible.

Brothers.

 While working in the clinic in Mao, the rehabilitation team also worked with many pediatric patients. The difference in technology and medicine in their country from ours was profound. One little boy that an evaluation was done on had a severe deformity at his ankles (severe, extreme varus for those of you who have some medical background) to the point that he could not even bare weight or stand at 4 years old. He was being treated with acetocholine - something I am pretty sure we don't use at all here in the States. In the United States, a child of that age would likely have been seen and treated by multiple health care providers in an attempt to correct the positioning of his feet and ankles. This same little boy was truly just adorable, though. To do an assessment of him crawling, we, of course, had to get him to crawl; naturally, he didn't want to. Having absolutely nothing other than a reflex hammer to try and get his attention, it is what we resorted to. Once I got him to crawl to get it, it turned into a game. He would hand it to me, I would say gracias, and then he would respond- in his own, four year old language, de nada, and then quickly snatch it back. This went on for several minutes, and the entire time his 5 year old brother was watching quietly.  As soon as I motioned for him to join us, however, he was right in and interacting.  The brotherly bond those little boys shared was something that words cannot explain. The little brother could not play or run normally, but it was clear that did not matter. They shared a special friendship and a bond that was incredibly deep.  Those boys were adorable, and a reminder of why I want to work with children.

Two of our awesome DPTs who oversaw the SPTs!

While in the Dominican Republic, we also had some 'down time' in the evenings, as well as on Sunday afternoon.  On Sunday, we ventured down to the pier and sat, relaxed, and watched many of the locals swim in the ocean. It was a relaxing afternoon that helped you to see a bit of the culture of the DR~it was obvious that they look at life so much differently than we do.  They were so relaxed, just hanging out, enjoying the sunshine and eachother's company.  In the United States, if you were to see something like this, you would have thought every single person was on vacation.  The US lifestyle could learn so much from these people.  They seemed so happy all of the time.  You pass them on the streets and they smile and say Hola. You treat them in the clinic and they are relaxed and not in a hurry, but instead want to make time to chat with you and have a conversation.  The atmosphere down there is just so much more relaxed that it was so easy to fall into. I required no adjustment...it just fit.  They live in the moment down there, they realize that today matters- this is it. That is something I really took to heart and am trying to remember in my day to day life back home. This is it. I am not guaranteed tomorrow, I am not guaranteed 2 hours from now~while I need to be aware of and plan for a future, I need to live and enjoy the now.  It is so easy to get caught up in what is coming next- I am so guilty of that. I want Easter so I can go home, enjoy a break, ant then come back and graduate. So that I then can go to clinical and be on my own for eight weeks. After that, I have family vacation to look forward to....yada yada yada, so on and so forth.  We even get caught up in the day to day- how many times a day do you hear someone say "Is it Friday yet?" If you take a step back and think for a second, a big part of you should want to scream at them (or yourself!) and go, "No- it isn't Friday. It is today. Right now, right here. I know you are tired, worn out, grumpy-whatever, but take a step back, find beauty in the now"

This is interesting to me, that it took the DR to remind me of this.  Since I started blogging in January, I have had some focus on finding beauty in the little things life gives us. I have been working hard to do that these past few months, and have found a great joy in doing so. It truly helps to reduce stress levels and make for happier days.  Yet, when I think about 'this is it', I realize I am so far from where I could be. I truly hope that, as I continue to try and just enjoy and live in the now, it will come easier and I will realize and truly see life's simple beauties that much clearer.

Anthony, center, one of his friends, and myself in the park 

Speaking of simple beauties and the little things, one thing that we did nightly was play in the park across the street with the local children.  One evening, I met a little boy named Anthony.  Anthony spoke no English, and I spoke no Spanish.  At first, the language barrier was a bit frustrating for me, but then, somehow, I began to teach him rock paper scissors.  I truly am unsure how we figured it out, but after probably ten minutes (he was a very patient little boy, too!) he understood. For the next forty-five minutes or so, Anthony and I played a million and a half games of rock paper scissors.  And the joy over learning a new game and receiving this attention (and probably the funny looking, English speaking girl haha)- that joy just shown on his face. It was so awesome to gap those barriers and just play. One of the principles of OutReach360, along with this is is, is Communicate Love.  Another is be flexible and creative.  This night, in the park with Anthony, both were achieved. In even such a simple game, the language barrier required a creativity all its own to teach, and the patience it took was truly an act of love (lets be honest, the only people I can be patient with are children...at least God helped me out there!).

Reina and Me

 Another child who was in the park every evening also really touched me this week.  Her name was Reina, and every night she would come looking for me and asking for me.  She wanted just a hug and a bit of my attention- even just for 5 minutes before running off again. It was something simple, but I don't know why I was the one singled out for her.  I do know that I feel like I got so much more out of the time I spent with her than I could possibly of ever given her.  She was a beautiful little girl, about 12, and she will be someone who is continually in my prayers.

Another thing of beauty in the Dominican was the landscape itself.  While their homes were often rundown, and there was garbage everywhere, the landscape itself was a thing of beauty. From the sunrises to the salt mines to the ocean and the view from the top of El Morro, which we hiked on Friday, the beauty of God's hand was astounding.  Seeing the beauty of those things has helped me, upon returning home, to continue to see the beauty.  So often, when we see the same trees and plants walking to class or driving to work everyday, things become ordinary and lose their beauty.  It was seeing a new place that helped me to see my own surroundings in a new light. 

On our final stretch of travel to the English Institute in Monte Cristi, where we stayed for the week, the song "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath came on my iPod.  If you're not familiar, the chorus goes like this:

_Give me your eyes for just one second
give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for Humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see_

At the top of El Morro

It was the perfect song to hear at that time.  All week I strove to see things with a totally open mind, so that, if God was supposed to be telling me or showing me something, I would be open to receiving it.  Obviously, He shared to much with me.  As I hiked to the top of El Morro and was able to look out over the landscape, the ocean, the beauty, Friday afternoon, I just took everything in and reflected on my life changing week.  At the top of El Morro, and at various spots the entire way up, there are crosses that have been placed.  While I am unsure of who placed them there, or if their placement has meaning, I know what they meant to me.  As I hiked and reflected, there was a cross in site the entire time.  The path was windy and had some loose gravel- if you weren't careful, you could have slipped and fallen.  I realized something on that hike, though.  It was very symbolic of both that week, and of life in general.  You will see and experience so much.  There will be beauty, but there will be those rough moments as well.  No matter where you are- whether it is trying to focus to take the correct next step so you don't fall, or looking out over all of the wonderful things of life, or picking yourself back up after you stumble and roll that ankle, God is with you. He is in your heart and never loses site of you along the way. He watches out for you and loves you unconditionally.

Sunrise on the way to Mao.

The ocean was beautiful. Flying was incredible. There is so much I could go on about this trip.  We also visited the Haitian-Dominican boarder on Friday morning.  That experience was so powerful that it needs to be left for another blog, in another time.  It was a truly eye-opening, life changing 90 minutes of my life.  It made you have to stop and remind yourself that, despite what you were seeing, you did, in some way, make an impact during your time in the DR.

The life I experienced in my week in the Dominican Republic is something I will never fully be able to put into words. It changed my heart and opened my eyes. I felt the presence of God in all that I was doing, experiencing, tasting (the pineapple was phenomenal!), feeling.  The scripture I found myself reading for Lent two of the evenings I was there fit the experience so well.  Because it is Lent, I was doing daily readings out of the little black book...and it was so appropriate for my time there. I will close with the quotes from it...they speak so profoundly of how I am starting to view my life, my purpose...

The Little Black Book:
March 7: "Like every life, my life has its ups and downs. The downs usually come without effort.  but that's not the case with going up the mountains in my life.  The ups require effort. It's easier to coast down a hill than climb up...But I need high mountains that take me to great heights and give me an experience of God that stays with me long after I've come down from the mountain. I was never made for the flat lands or small hills. I was made for the mountains."
March 8: "Maybe I need to change my attitude toward the unplanned things that break into my life- things that are not only unplanned but also interfere with the plans I have made."

Love is Here.

This is It.

Life is so incredible wonderful. It is intense, crazy, meaningful, blissful, and kind. It is heartbreaking, bittersweet, emotional, and beautiful. It is such a powerful thing, and not a moment should ever be taken for granted.

Last week, I was blessed with the opportunity to do mission work in the Dominican Republic. In the midst of midterms, planning for graduation, clinical, and finishing my thesis, I took a step back, traveled 18 hours by bus and plane, and found myself in an entirely new world. What I saw, what I breathed, what I lived in those days- it changed me. It changed my heart and my view of the world.

The funny thing is, there wasn't a moment of adjustment once I arrived. It was natural and easy and felt completely right. I have been home for a little over 48 hours now, and I still don't feel adjusted. My heart is full of happiness and joy, yet I am not completely here yet. It is something I just cannot put a finger on.
In the coming hours, days, weeks, and months, I have a million things on my plate. Assignments and a thesis to finish and present, competencies and exams to study for, graduation and clinical to prepare for, ever-changing relationships with family and friends...it is all a bit crazy and overwhelming. How do I know that I am doing the right things, making the correct decisions, walking the path that the Lord has created for me?

I don't.

But I have faith that I am, that I will, and that where I end up will be where I am supposed to be. I am determined to share the love and joy in my heart, believe in this life, and do everything I can to make a difference.

This past week my heart was reminded that life doesn't stop or wait- this is it, life is now. And I intend to do everything I can to live it to the fullest.

Be Content.

 

I found this quote recently, and it really make me stop and think. In our society, there are always so many temptations for something more- something better, something more perfect, something more ideal. And in that, we are always striving. Whether it be in the classroom, in the workplace, or in our friendships and relationships, we are always looking for something more. Something better. 

Instead, we need to be contented. We need to realize that nothing is perfect- including ourselves. Friends may hurt us, but we have most certainly done something to hurt them at one point (and if we haven't, we will). No one is perfect, everyone has their own sets of problems. Every job has its ups and every job has its downs. Instead of striving, we need to learn to accept, be okay with imperfections, learn to love and embrace the imperfections- choose them.
And find someone who will choose your imperfections, because you are not perfect, either.

So resist the temptations, for they will only bring with them more problems of their own. Pray for peace in your heart, and an understanding in your soul. And take a step back to find the beauty in what you have.

Things To Do Today

Thank You

To whoever had not one, but two bags of Hershey kisses left at my door today... thank you. I have not the slightest idea who would do something like that for me...but I can assure you it is appreciated and means a lot to be thought of!
To the Amazon lady with broken English and poor math skills~I am praying for you, and as frustrating as our hour long conversation was, I truly hope wherever, and whoever you are, that you are well.
To the doctor that fixed Danielle's hand with a metal plate today, I don't know you, but thank you for taking the time and putting the effort into all of your education and expertise. Without you, a young woman may have lost function of her hand. Thank you for giving her a chance.
To the guys passing out roses to all of the girls in Frankie's today...I am sure it meant something different to each girl. Thank you for giving me a fond memory of my Na (yellow roses were her favorite roses), and thank you for giving me an excuse to escape and be creative with my camera for ten minutes.
To my best friend, whom I care about in ways words cannot describe. Thank you for being such an incredible person, thank you for encouraging me to grow in ways neither of us can really comprehend. You have changed my life forever for the better, and no matter what paths we take, the footprint you have left on my soul will forever remain.
To my other best friend, thanks for the giggles, and for saving my butt when my nail clippers broke this morning.
And to my Heavenly Father, thank you for each and every one of these people, many of whom I do not know, but who all impacted my life today. Thank you for your abundant blessings- even the ones disguised as tears, frustrations, and heartaches. Thank you for the life you have given me, the lessons you have led me to learn, the ability to enjoy the small things. Thank you for a family that loves me and who makes me proud. Thank you for the opportunities in my future and the experiences in my past. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, in an incomprehensible way. Thank you for filling my heart with your love so that I might share it with others. Lord, I thank you for all of these things, ask that you bless each and every individual who impacted my life today. I love you, Father.
Amen

Sprinting Thoughts...They're Drawing Me to the Lord.

I can't sleep~my brain is very good at thinking at sprinter pace when it should be sleeping...and then sleeping through lecture when it needs the sprinting to keep up. But don't we all have that, some days?

Its been about two weeks since I sat down and blogged more than a few sentences or posted some of my photography. And man, how time flies. I truly do not have any idea how it moves so fast; I will be returning from the Dominican Republic one month from today. Which means I leave for Dominican Republic three weeks from today. For something I have been preparing for for so long, I know it will come and go in the blink of an eye.

Time seems to do that-move so fast that some things come and go and change and change again before we are even really able to understand or comprehend any of it. I was reflecting on a lot of that today. In less than three months, I will have a bachelors degree, and I will have already had my first days of clinical number one. I will be living completely on my own, in a new state, farther away from any family or friends than I have ever been. I am so excited, but it is a non-understandable nervousness at the same time. I am very optimistic, however, and am looking forward to evening and weekend time with cooking dinner, studying, photography, and -hopefully- relearning the guitar. Exploring and adventuring are on the top of my to do list this summer.

And yet, I have no idea what to expect. Working in a clinic, as an SPT, in a place I have never been, moving into a cottage without ever seeing it before, having neighbors, living on a lake, all of it is new. And where it will take me is completely mystery. But the more I think about it, so is the future. The potential for change and growth and more growth and change in the next two years is immense.

I found out today that my grandfather has an aneurysm in his heart. While it would mean the world for me to see him at my DPT graduation in two years, I understand there is a chance he won't be here for it. And then, the more I thought about it, I realized he could not be here for this year's graduation. Any moment can have a direct impact on the direction of the rest of life, nothing is certain.

As I look out and think of some of my closest friends, many are looking at marriage or engagement within the next two years. My baby brother could, potentially, end up in that group. Some of my best friends could be relocating to any where in the country, miles away from home after graduation, or miles away from Loretto, which truly has become my second home. Its possible I could be moving to Italy for two months, and end up two other random places anywhere in the United States, for 8 and 15 weeks each, respectively. I could move on and fall in love again, or I could simply have two years of immense self growth, or both. I could lose some incredible great-great aunts and uncles whom mean the world to me but have failing health, or I could be blessed with many more memories with them. I will watch my baby brother graduate and transition into a young man. I will, without a doubt, see friendships grow and change as the result of marriage, break ups, misunderstandings, late night conversations, and great bonding moments.

The potential for the next two years of my life is unmeasurable.

But, then again, yours is, too.

So many of us grow up with this dream, which is in a way a plan; especially a lot of little girls. We have this image of our prince charming, and how it is all going to play out. How we will meet, what he will look and act like, what he will do, how we will fall for him, when and how he will fall for and ultimately propose.  We have a timeline of how long these things will take to occur, how it will fit into our schooling, our planning, our childbearing years. We have ideal ages, ideal everything, in a way.

But, here is the thing. While you should never give up on that man (or woman, for you men) who is not perfect, but perfect for you (and never, ever settle for anything less), we need to be willing to adapt. We, ourselves, will grow and change. What is perfect for us may not be what we thought it was at 15. And life, it is totally unpredictable. We can have this plan, but we really cannot have an ounce of certainty that it will work at all-even if we do everything right to get it there.

There will be sleepless nights we never thought we would have.  These nights of sleeplessness and sprinter-paced thought can be from anything. Someone we care about might end up out past curfew in a blizzard  with a cell phone accidentally left on silent (love you, baby brother). Friends will hurt us unintentionally. School, work, and life may just be a bit too demanding for full processing during the day. Hearts will break. And thoughts will still run.

But maybe it is the uncertainty, those sleepless nights, that we actually grow. Maybe, we learn how to worry less, or how to lean on God more. What if those nights are how God brings us closer to him, where He promises that, no matter what uncertainties lie ahead, He will be there to bring us through every single one.

As I reflect, as I look ahead tonight, I realize that God is teaching me in these moments. He is drawing me closer to Him, reassuring me that I will never be alone in whatever adventure, journey, and heartache may lie in my future. He is my father, He loves me, and He will continue to take every opportunity He can to bring me closer to Him. And right now, its the sleepless night He is using. 

Even in your moments of hardship and strife, do not be afraid to call upon the Lord. He loves you and will fill your heart with a peace you have never known. All you have to do is ask.

Father God, I thank you for this day of reflection. I thank you for the sunshine and the brisk wind, for the conversations, for the learning. I thank you for the wonderful people you have placed in my life and for all that they have taught me. I pray that I can be everything they ever need me to be for them, too, Lord. Father, I pray that you continue to guide my heart, my mind, and my actions according to Your Will. Help me to fully trust in You and rely on You. I thank you for the opportunities that lie ahead of me and the experience, growth, and memories that lie behind me. May I forever be grateful for each of them, and always be open to further growth and change in each new moment. Please be with those I love and care about Lord~and with those I struggle to understand, Lord.
In Your Holy Name, I pray. Amen

Choose Forgiveness

Forgive others. Forgive circumstance. Forgive yourself. Choose forgiveness; He made the ultimate sacrifice so that you had this choice, and so that you are forgiven.

I Am One.

I am only one. But I can make a difference. I have been given gifts and talents by God for a purpose. And I will do everything I can to fulfill my purpose in this world this moment, this hour, this day, this month, this year, this life.

Once You Have Loved

Believe!

“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Mark 9:23

Life Begins

Winter Jam 2012: The Lord Is With Me. And You.

A last second decision Friday afternoon led to a day of head nodding Saturday while desperately trying to stay away in our weekend radiology seminar. And given the opportunity, I again would make that decision in a heart beat. I spent Friday night with a sold-out Bryce Jordan Center for Winter Jam 2012 and an experience I won't be forgetting.

For those of you who don't know what Winter Jam is- it is a night full of Christian music and worship with 10 Christian Bands- for $10. This year performers include Christian-Rock Band Skillet, Building 429, Sanctus Real, Kari Jobe, Group 1 Crew, For King and Country, NewSong, Dara Maclean, Peter Furler (Former lead singer of Newsboys), and We as Human. If you ever have the chance to go- seize it!


So anyways- After a rough week and a half that I had been struggling to just trust, accept, and leave things up to God, I found myself heading north-east on I-99 to State College with a friend. So all of the sudden, here I was, talking to her about life's current struggles, swapping memories, and stuck in traffic on the East Park Avenue Exit- about a mile from the 2012 Winter Jam concert-as it began. We were stuck there for almost an hour- something that would normally have driven me insane- but the funny thing was, I didn't even give it a second thought. It just was-not good, not bad-just was. We sat there in that hour chatting, sharing stories and memories. And while we missed the first half hour of the concert, it was worth every second.

We walked in as Building 429 was starting to play one of my favorite songs- Listen to the Sound. And listen we did- to an incredible sound, along with 15,000+ others. It was a night of prayer, praise, and music. Every artist had the audience on their feet- and what a powerful thing, to worship with so many others. God breathed so much life into that center Friday night. With meaningful song lyrics and beautiful voices, I pray that for those who were there simply to hear Skillet, they heard and walked away with so much more.
Sanctus Real playing Forgiven just brought the song to an entirely new level-it really hit home- what a powerful reminder that ever single one of us can relate to:

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven <3

Skillet ended the night with a great show, and before we knew it, we found ourselves heading home. The experience led us to a deeper discussion about life and past experiences, about hurt, about hope. Things happen for a reason, even if we cannot ever understand or grasp them. Why we ended up in State College this weekend was clear: God wanted to remind me that, even in the struggle and the uncertainty, He is with me. He will never leave me. He has forgiven me for every mistake I have ever made and ever will make. I am never alone.

The Lord was definitely with each and every one of us in that packed Bryce Jordan Center Friday in whatever way we needed Him to be. He knows us individually, for who we are. He knows our deep desires, our wishes, our needs. And He will fulfill those. Always.